Tuesday, August 23, 2011

wandering alone

As I see new places and meet new people, I feel my heart moving backwards. I know that the Lord is stretching me in new ways, but change is hard. How can one leave everything they know for an unknown amount of time, and keep their heart open like I feel mine should be. Never before have a felt so closed off, and it confuses and frightens me. I am alone in a crowd of people.
Lord, open my heart, that I might love people like you do.
So this is my plea for help and advice. I value the gentle words of friends, and would love to know how you dealt with a closed off time in your life, when you felt alone.
Also, please pray for me. In prayer there is power, and I need HIS help more than anything.

sorry this is short, but we have a schedule to keep to and I am running behind.
I love you all, and miss you more with every passing day

signing out for now


PS. Pickle is lonely too. It's sad that she feeds off my emotions so much, but misery loves company and she has been a blessing to my lonely heart. Lord, thank you for my dog, who reminds me that love is unconditional, and easily forgets wrongs.

Monday, August 22, 2011

to much

To much to say. I have no idea how to condense the last few days into something readable. But I promised I would try. So here goes.
Colorado was beautiful. My heart broke when we drove through it, because I know that my heart misses places like this without ever being in them. When we stayed with the Hogans and lived a little life with them, I was in heaven. There was a moment when I looked at myself, tee-shirt smelling of cows and goats, pants covered in horse hair from the morning ride, tooth pick sticking out of my mouth, shoved in a van with a bunch of people, wearing suspenders and a baseball cap singing country music, that I realized there is a kind of life that I long for.  I know it sounds cliche and stereotypical, but there is something about that simplistic and rustic life that calls to my heart and soul. I pray for this life, and may the Lord bless my heart. If not, I know that "heaven is a wonderful place, filled with gllory and grace, and I will see my saviors face" and that will be enough for me. We said our goodbyes to a family I will love and miss for the rest of my life, and got in the car. As we waved our last goodbyes, and my eyes filled with tears, I realized that the Lord is a kind and compassionate God, to put a family that wraps me in arms of love in my deepest hours of need. I know that this week was the hardest for homesickness. So he gave me a mother to love, a father to laugh with, and brothers and sisters to ease my broken heart. No where I go will be without family. I will be in his love whether I am in New Zealand, Alaska, or Peru. It is comforting to know how surrounded I am with the family of Christ, and how excepting other people can be when you are alone and afraid.
Then we passed through Nebraska and stayed in Omaha. It's a big city with beautiful buildings and cute little downtown areas. There was one stop that was the cutest down town I have ever been in. It had the atmosphere of old downtown Fullerton, but the streets were very narrow. All the buildings had little shops underneath and lofts above, but to separate the shops from the lofts and give shoppers some shade, they had made these little canopies above the shops and on the edge of these were blooming flowers. I was enchanted! This, by far, was the loveliest little downtown I have ever seen. Pike place in Washington was amazing, Disney downtown is phenomenal, Fullerton is brilliant, but this was just lovely. We went to a Presbyterian church on Sunday, and then visited the most amazing catholic cathedral! it was beautiful! The ceiling were so high, I felt dizzy looking at them. We got a tour from the friend we stayed the night with and then the lady who played the organ showed us how it worked! She showed us inside the organ and told us some of the history of the church, and then we got a tour of more the the churches history in a small museum they keep next door.  It was amazing. I was blessed to see how others worship, and look forward to continuing this new education of mine. I do not believe in the separation of the church, and therefore feel at home with anyone in the family of Christ, but these interesting traditions and customs are something new to learn about.
We got on the road again and drove through Iowa and some of Minnesota, and then visited Jojo's family and Met a woman named Kiwi (that's her nick name, I can't recall her real one), and then stopped at Jansina's house to stay. Please pray for me here. I feel a little un-easy, because I have the rush of blood in my heart to explore now, and do not like stopping much. I also miss home terribly and wish you could all be here with me, seeing more of the world then I thought I would. Please pray also, that Pickle and I can fall into the groove of this new family and not feel quite so separated. My mouth does not like to whisper and my heart does not like silence, but if I must, than I must. Who am I to expect anything different from a gracious family that lets me stay with them. They have been more than accommodating, letting me sleep with my dog and giving me the freedom to eat and drink when I will and sleep when I may. I do not know where the disconnectedness lies except on my own error. I must learn how others families live if I am to be mature myself. Lord help me learn, and give me graciousness in kind, that I might show your love through my very skin to those that I meet.
I love you Lord.

And I love and miss you all. Be well, my dear ones, and be sure to keep me updated with the goings on at home. My internet will work during the day, but at night, I have no connection, so if you wanna chat, just check during the day.

Onward and upward to new adventures!

signing out for now


PS. Pickle loves exploring as much as I do! She might not like pools, but she sure does like swimming in creeks! She isa country dog at heart and it makes me glad!

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Here we go again


It begins again. I left CA on Monday morning and we got to Las Vegas the same morning to stay with Jansina's grandfather for 2 nights. He was a sweet man with a cute view on some of the new fangled things these people are doing. I loved talking with him about the news and seeing the lights in las vegas. We left Tuesday morning (which is today) and arrived ad the hogan's house (they are friends of Jansina) this afternoon. They are sweet people that live in the country, and I am already in love! It's been 2 hours since we got here and they have already shared jokes and stories and offered to take me to the farm in the morning to see the cow and other animals! Heaven! This is what this place is called!
Amanda and Ben are about my age, but ALL the members of this family are lovely! Also, Jansina and I picked up her friend Joanna in Las Vegas and she will be joining us for the rest of our trip. I love her too! seriously, it is so nice when you can just fall into a friendship with someone.
God has a plan in all of this. I love the trip, but I keep having these waves of fear about being gone for so long. I miss everyone terribly. But I know that there is a plan for my life.

I leave you with this verse tonight. Prov. 16:3 "In his heart a man plans his path, but the Lord determines his steps."

Love and miss you all.
signing out for now


PS. Pickle is having a BLAST! She loves riding in the car, and she loves meeting all these new people and dogs and we haven't had any problems so far. Praise the Lord! She is a good dog and a blessing, and I'm glad she can bless others by being so good. Her new best friend is Jansina's grandpa. SO CUTE!

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Higher up and further in

Well my blog friends,

It was a long road home from OK, But it was fun to see some of the country. There are lots of different things to see in the USA! It was fun, as well, to be traveling with Jansina, since I couldn't bare the thought of leaving her company so soon.
The presentation at the end of the Internship went well. I know many of you were looking forward to hearing about that. It went a little longer than we had hoped, but from what I could hear, people seemed pleased with the work we had done. Our website looked good (minus some spelling errors, (my bad)), and all of the projects we had worked on were met with enthusiasm. Both of us, Jansina and I, got a chance to pitch to Andrew Pudewa, and we both hope to continue with the company. I wait to hear back from them, and Jansina has to "audition" for her roll in the company.
We got to spend some time hanging out with the Walkers before we left (I miss them terribly), and I learned how to play Risk, for the first time ever! It was pretty fun. Once we left we stopped off a few times; once in Albuquerque to stay the night (thanks Julie!), again at the "midway" of the route 66, and again at a nice truck stop for Denny's. It was 112 degrees when we drove through the Mojave desert! But we made it through and got to catch a nice cool breeze and the 70 degree weather in Coastal Southern CA. It's been fun catching up with everyone and getting some stuff handled down here, but I kind of miss being on the road. I think it;s because I know I have a lot to do before I go, and that makes me antsy, but I know the Lord will provide for this next trip, just like He did the last one.
For those of you that have been waiting with baited breath.
Here is the long awaited plan.

  • First, We leave California on the 15th of August and get on the road to visit some friends and family of Jansina, on the way to Minnesota. 
  • We hope to arrive in Minnesota (near Minneapolis) on the 20th of August, and settle in with Jansian's family.
  • I stay with them for 1 month
  • After gallivanting with her and her family for a month, I will be flying out of St. Paul, and arriving in Dallas TX on the 20th of September. 
  • I move to TX for an undetermined amount of time with My Cousin Kelly!
  • Around March, I hope to fly or cruise to New Zealand (can you believe a cruise might be CHEAPER?)
  • I start wwoofing around New Zealand for 3 months - 1 year
  • I move back to CA to start my goat farm. 
  • .... the end?
If the Lord is willing, my plans will happen somewhat like that. I know He has prepared things in advance for me to do, but I know also, that he has put desires in my heart for a reason. So i will just shoot for this until something changes. :)
I will continue to blog and keep everyone updated with what REALLY happens to me, and I hope to see you on the blogosphere! Be well and God Bless

signing out for now


PS. Pickle gets to come with me from Minnesota to TX and hopefully beyond!!!! Happy me and happy puppy!